Military Jokes and Humor
Funning Boot Camp Stories
One thing a veteran will share with other veterans is funny events that occur during boot camp, basic training, or other intensive training sections of their career. Being able to laugh at yourself and others is a key to success while enduring stressful training programs. The Drill Instructors give you plenty of opportunities to make mistakes and laugh at yourself. The following submissions are actual events; funny drill-instructor incidents, submitted by our readers:
"I'm going to recycle you so far you'll be at your first DEP meeting by the time I get through with you!"
Submitted by AirmanSoto
Screwing with the Dorm Guard
I was doing dorm guard at the time...and the TI was obviously bored
TI - "DORM GUARD!"
Me - "Sir trainee so and so reports as ordered!"
TI - "What the hell do you want?"
Me - "Sir you called me."
TI - "Are you on acid?"
Me - "No Sir."
TI - "Get out of my face!"
- 2 seconds elapse -
TI - "DORM GUARD! ... let me out.."
Submitted by ScopeDope001
Army BCT...I was walking out the door to a formation and I was all upbeat about passing my PT earlier this morning. I was smiling and bouncy as anything...I was walking out the door when the DI said "PVT[me], get over here!"
I grabbed a buddy and went over to him.
He looked at me and said, "Pvt, no matter how you happy you get, you'll still be ugly."
I looked at him for half a second, looked at my buddy and we (me and buddy) burst out laughing.
Another drill sergeant comes over and looks at us. He then asked me:
"Are you on crack?"
All four of us just about died laughing.
Submitted by jadephoenix84
I screwed up big,
"Liar! (My nickname my T.I. gave me), you're the reason why I can't go to @#$%&! Walmart and buy spray paint. They lock that sh*t up 'cause of huffers like you!"
Submitted by SIRPHREA1
"You'd better drink some #*$& water, I don't want your piss looking like gold dust."
After a recruit got a little too casual: "Okay 'Simmons,' do you wanna sit on the front porch swing, hold hands and drink lemonade with me?"
Submitted by COORDINATEDP
PVT: "Excuse me, Drill Sergeant?"
DS: "What is it?"
PVT: "Drill Sergeant, I cannot drink the tap water."
DS: "Why not?"
PVT: "The impurities make me ill, Drill Sergeant."
PVT: "Yes, Drill Sergeant. I can only drink bottled water."
The Drill Sergeant paused a beat, unbelieving. Then he gestured at a nearby private.
DS: "Private XXX, go and help Private Tapwater fill up his canteen, and make sure that he drinks it. There's nothing wrong with that water!"
For the rest of the Basic Training, he was known as Private Tapwater. The other screwups like me were so glad to have him there, it saved us a lot of 'personal attention' from the Drill Sergeants. Thank you again, Pvt. Tapwater!
Submitted by Kozure
"I'm gonna recycle you so far back it's gonna take Michael J. Fox and a souped-up DeLorean to get you back!!!"
Submitted by kappasig1304
Every time my T.I. would "recycle" someone they'd tell them to "pack your trash" and start playing "Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen loud so everyone could hear it (worst part was he would sing to it and laugh).
Submitted by SIRPHREA1
TI: "Trainee Reimer, what is this?"
Me: "Sir, Trainee Reimer reports as ordered. It's a sock, sir."
TI: "I know it's a sock, dumbass, look at how it's folded. What's your excuse for this?"
Me: "I had someone help me, because I was working chapel guide, I just got back 20 minutes ago."
TI: "Well trainee, you're just one big @#!%&! excuse tree, aren't you? Got an excuse for everything, you like being an excuse tree? We'll make you one."
He starts throwing clothes over me, making a tree out of all the clothes in my clothing drawer, which I am holding in my arms, standing at attention. He finishes all the other inspections and tells me to put my clothes away, commending me for keeping my military bearing. I must have stood there, not moving for about 25 minutes, covered in clothes.
Submitted by Chuck Reimer
My brother (Air Force, '60's) says a guy at chow was apparently looking around in line and was pulled out and made to stand at attention with his head swiveling back and forth, saying "I am a radar scope, I am a radar scope...."
My brother was at the head of his group going in, rounded the corner, and saw this guy doing his thing. Bro never could keep a straight face and busted out laughing, so... by the time it was all over there was a whole line of them saying "I am a radar scope..."
Submitted by AECFNavyMom
"Lima company you just #$%^&! UP! *Ahem* Belay my last! Lima company, you just jerked up!"
Submitted by Mike