A Guide to Military Jokes and Humor
Watch that latest military blockbuster movie, but you're at a loss as to some of the military terms they used? Here's a basic primer:
Funny Military Terms
Befarkled: Confused, characterized by a state of genuine, profound disorientation; the perpetual state of all Chemical units.
Primary Hammer or The Hammer: A cool operational term to impress a superior when describing the finishing force, or the main effort.
Fan-Out: A dismounted operation involving soldiers on the ground maximizing the amount of terrain they can cover or disperse over.
Paint the Picture: A term used to gather information and assess the situation. Usually asked by senior leaders to junior leaders. Usually invoked after the senior leader has gotten sleep and knows absolutely nothing about the tactical situation, while the battle captain has been up all night.
Critical Terrain: Terrain that if not secured, grabbed, taken or camped out on — you are screwed. A new category to describe terrain in FM 34-130 (Critical – Decisive – Key).
Kick-Out: An armor technique used to employ light infantry to clear severely restricted terrain in order to allow the armor to pass.
Phase: Infantry term for we don’t know how to write paragraph three.
Hey, Diddle – Diddle: Group of words used to describe a possible COA that allows for no analytical thought and ensures a minimum 75% casualty rate. Known also to the USMC as High, Diddle-Diddle.
Police-Up: An infantry operation to defeat the remaining enemy on an objective after Armor forces by-pass or attempt to avoid confrontation.
Flex: A really cool sounding non-doctrinal term used to maneuver a unit from one location to another. Used primarily when you don’t have a clue where you are or how the hell to get to the new location.
Technique: A noun, used in the phrase: “That’s a technique.” Translated – That’s a really screwed up way to execute this operation and you will probably kill your entire unit. But if you want to do it that way – go ahead.”
Hang Out: To establish a position characterized by a total lack of security, soldiers asleep in hammocks and a huge BBQ pit turning out chow. A task usually accomplished by Air Defenders.
Bells & Whistles: An inordinate amount of cheese, not required to get the necessary information communicated to another individual or group of individuals. Commonly associated with Canine and Equestrian Theater.
Blah, Blah, Blah: Short for “You know what I’m going to say anyway, so I’m not going to waste our time to actually say it.” See also Yada Yada Yada or Homina Homina, or humma humma humma.
Let’s Rock Baby: Radio communications pro-word for “Guidons, this is 2. Panther 6 FRAGO follows, acknowledge, over.”
Getting’ Jiggy With It: A friendly oriented, offensive form of maneuver that simultaneously utilizes at least three maneuver elements.
Drive By: Engaging the enemy while bypassing. Meets both the destruction and bypass criteria given in the OPORD.
Zipping Around: An aviation movement technique in which the helicopters appear to fly around aimlessly at a high rate of speed impressing the Ground Combat Troops with their speed and dash. Occasionally encompasses “Getting’ Jiggy With It” and usually used in a zone reconnaissance.
Back-Stop: A term used to cover a staff failure to properly wargame a course of action. Also, a term used by infantry showing how “hope” is a method incorporated to defeat the enemy. “If the enemy gets through the engagement area, we have Delta Company placed here — to backstop the Battalion defense.
Coocy (Gucci) Move: Altering Commander’s intent, commander’s guidance or violating the fundamentals of reconnaissance or security operations. USMC spelling: Goosey.
Get Up and Haul Butt: A movement technique that requires all elements within the organization to cross the LD yesterday.
Flail-Ex: Also known as the planning process.
SelfCon: This is when a junior commander (usually a captain) comes to the realization that his higher is completely clueless (perhaps even befarkled) so he simply attaches himself and his command to another unit.
Cheetah-Flips: The course of action development phase of the Military Decision Making Process in an imagined crisis environment (often replicated by headquarters during daily operations).
Pound The Crap Out Of: Somewhere between disrupt and destroy and slightly more than neutralize.
Squirrel-Ex: The wargaming phase of the MDMP after all Cheetah-Flips are completed, briefed and refined. The Squirrel Ex phase normally culminates with a 102 color slide briefing clearly outlining what can be said in a well-written paragraph (formerly known as the Commander’s intent and/or concept of the operation) this phase is often called a Cheese-Ex. This is the Force XXI cause of the “Fog of War.”
Take-Down: An aggressive former wrestling term used to describe your actions on the objective an inherent lack of regard for the enemy’s capabilities.
Sweep: A fluid, noncontinuous form of battlespace dominance, usually combined with zippin’ around or getting’ jiggy with it.
Mop-Up: A term for the actions occurring just after you discover you are actually on the objective, in the enemy’s fire sack, that implies a willingness to expose oneself to lethal fires.
Hit: Term for applying massed effects against the enemy. As in “First we’ll hit these guys over here then we’ll hit these guys, and then the guys over here will be hit with asymmetrical dominance from assets from EAC.
Boned: A term used in response to orders issued from a higher commander. As in “I am the counter-reconnaissance company and the battalion reserve at the same time — I got boned!”
Triple-Hull Down: A term associated with force-protection, fratricide, and self-preservation. In order to prevent being fired on by friends when saying something really stupid, hiding from the boss who has a task that only you can fill, or cover your butt from being smoked by anyone.